Category Archives: Family & Friends

May 5 2013
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I am thankful for my best friend

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Dear Diary,

Last week I took a trip home for the first time in six months and to my surprise I actually had a great time. Since my family broke up almost three years ago because of my Dad’s violent alcoholic girlfriend I always have anxiety about going home. I get anxious because I associate my hometown with all of the bad memories that come along with that unforgettable night in October 2010.  Since then I have never looked forward to going home, but last week was a pleasant surprise.

Home will always be a part of us – no matter how far away we run from it

I moved away from my small hometown as soon as I graduated from high school because I wanted bigger and better things out of life.  I wanted to live in a big city and take advantage of all the things that big cities have to offer.  For the past 12 years I always thought that I was bigger and better than my little hometown but the truth is that no matter how far away I move, my hometown will always be a part of me.

I had a fun time visiting with my family, I spent some time with my Dad and thankfully the evil step witch (aka my Dad’s girlfriend) was nowhere in sight. Of course the relationship with my Dad will never be the same because I will never forgive him for not having my best interest at heart, but it was nice to have a conversation with him that didn’t end in a fight about his alcoholic girlfriend.

I spent a lot of time with my best friend and it was just like being in high school all over again.  I have known her since we were in grade school and I don’t tell her this often enough (or ever) but I really do miss her.  She is a great friend, she has always been there for me and despite our geographic locations we have remained friends for more than 20 years.

Have you called your best friend today?

I have made new friends in my new city but the relationship with friends that you make later on in life will never have the same bond that we have with friends from our childhood. My friend and I grew up together and it’s nice to know that I can talk to her about anything without judgement.

I can talk to her about that awful night three years ago because she was there.  That night when my Dad’s girlfriend turned violent was so awful and no one can really understand it unless they were there. I definitely wish that night never happened, but I am glad that my best friend was there by my side. She was my saviour through the whole thing and she has been my supportive rock ever since.

My best friend and I grew up together and it’s comforting to know that even now, despite our distance, we are still close. At 32 years old we are experiencing the same struggles in life as young adults, we are asking ourselves the same questions about where we fit in the world and we are both excited to see what the future holds.

In life we don’t need a lot of friends, but we always need one best friend. Yolanda, I had a great time hanging out last week. I want to thank you for listening and I thank you for all of the advice.  You truly are a wonderful friend.

Love Always,

 

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Sep 27 2012
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New Jersey Housewife Feels Attacked

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Today on Anderson Live Anderson Cooper invited Teresa Giudice from the reality TV show “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” to discuss the painful, yet entertaining, relationship with her family. The Giudice family feud has been making headlines in gossip magazines such as In Touch, People Magazine, Us Weekly, and Life and Style for many months as Teresa Giudice expresses an extreme dislike for her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga and fellow Real Housewives cast members Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita through the tabloid media.

I have to admit that The Real Housewives of New Jersey is one of my guilty pleasures; I enjoy watching the glamorous lives of New Jersey’s elite unfold on reality TV while they brawl with each other like cage fighters. And honestly who doesn’t love a reality TV show where tables get flipped over at private dinner parties? However, after the hair extensions have been pulled out and the dishes have been broken at the end of the day these women are supposed to be family.

I am no stranger to a family brawl; this October marks the two year anniversary of the step witch’s (aka my dad’s white trash girlfriend) violent behaviour that tore my family apart.  I wish that my family situation was different, but unfortunately my relationship with my dad and my younger sister will never be the same after that now infamous and unforgettable night in October 2012. Even though it may be entertaining to watch family fights break out on reality TV, I don’t wish real life drama, turmoil, or violence on any family. It is amazing how one mistake in one night or one sentence in a rage of anger can truly change a family forever.

Teresa Giudice told Anderson Cooper that she felt verbally and emotionally attacked by fellow cast members Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita because of their harsh words towards Teresa’s attention and spotlight in the media.  As a loyal fan of The Real Housewives of New Jersey I can say that Teresa Giudice has changed over the show’s four seasons, but in Teresa’s defense people change over time, it’s called the evolution of mankind.  Maybe fellow cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey are jealous of Teresa Giudice and her newfound fame (she has a series of cookbooks and she was on The Celebrity Apprentice), but that is absolutely not a reason to verbally attack her.

Anderson Cooper feels that Teresa Giudice and the cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey can’t make a right with two wrongs.  At this point it doesn’t matter who said what about other cast members and it doesn’t matter who was not invited on vacation, all that matters is that they are family and they should be able to work out their family feud. Or should they?

I hate it when I explain to people why I no longer have a close relationship with my dad and they tell me that I should automatically forgive my dad and forget the step witch’s violent behaviour because my dad is family.  Just because someone is family doesn’t give them the right to act or say whatever they want and assume that everything will automatically be forgiven.  If anything, family should always think twice before they act or speak because they probably don’t want to say or do something that will harm another family member.

Love Always,

Photo from Anderson Cooper

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Sep 13 2012
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Waking Up From a Bad Dream

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Me with my younger sister Tara Marie

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night in a panicked sweat. I had a very bad dream about my younger sister Tara Marie and afterwards I couldn’t fall back asleep.  My sister Tara Marie and I haven’t been close since my family’s breakup almost two years ago. Actually that is not even true, Tara Marie and I have never really been very close, but over the last two years we have definitely drifted even further apart.

There are probably a number of reasons why my sister Tara Marie and I are not close which include my jealously towards her, the fact that I was a really awful older sister when we were growing up (I’m actually still not a great older sister) as well as the fact that we lived in separate households when my parents got divorced.  However just because we aren’t close doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her, it also doesn’t mean that I want anything bad to happen to her; it just means that sometimes it’s easier for two people to be apart than it is for them to be together.

When I woke up from my bad dream I immediately wanted to call my sister and then I realized that I don’t even have her phone number. I am sure that this is not normal, but unfortunately this is just how it is. Since I don’t have Tara Marie’s phone number I decided to write her an email to check in with her, make sure that everything was ok, and be assured that my bad dream was really just a dream.

I wanted to send Tara Marie an email and write all of the things that I cannot say, I wanted to tell my sister that I miss her every single day, I wanted to tell her that I wish we had a different childhood, I also wanted to tell her that I wish that we had a different relationship now that we are both adults, but I didn’t.  Too much time has gone by and so many things have not been said over the years that I am not even sure if our relationship can be repaired.

I don’t want to live with regrets, but how can I fix a relationship with my sister that has practically taken a lifetime to ruin?

Love Always,

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Aug 27 2012
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What I Learned From Saturday Night

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Photo: Fun times at Wood 35

From Left to Right: Aliya, Me and Tricia.

Saturday night I went out to a club for the first time in many years for a bachelorette party.  My good friend Tricia (remember Tricia?) is getting married in two weeks and we went out to celebrate her last few days as a single young woman.  I had a really good time with Tricia, but after 3 hours out on the town I was ready to go home, put on my pajamas and get into bed.  Going clubbing at 31 years old is definitely a totally different experience than it was at 21 years old.

This is what I learned about myself on Saturday night:

1. I am definitely getting old.  I know that as each day passes by we are all getting older, but this doesn’t mean that we have to feel old.  Saturday night as I was out in my cocktail dress and black patent leather high heels I definitely felt old.   Tricia and I are in our early thirties and I think it’s safe to say that we were two of the oldest women in the club on Saturday night.  You know you are getting old when you are coming home at the end of your night and the younger girls in your building are on their way out to start their night.

2. I am extremely impatient.  I always like to keep busy and therefore I don’t like waiting because I feel that it is a huge waste of time. I have always known that I am extremely impatient when it comes to time, but on Saturday night I realized that I am also extremely impatient when it comes to people.  Actually intolerant might be a better word to describe my dislike towards my fellow club-goers.  I am not sure who told women that they could dance on a speaker, wear a short skirt and not wear any underwear, but it’s definitely not ok. I have a very low tolerance for drunken twenty year olds. I also have a very low tolerance for high heels and the pain they bring to my feet. When I was 21 I lived in high heels and now I can’t even tolerate the pain they bring for more than a few hours. Maybe it’s because I am not single anymore and I don’t feel the need to impress anyone, or maybe it is becuase as I get older my tolerance for pain gets lower.

3. I am glad that I am not single.  I know that sometimes I complain about my relationship but I also know that I am very lucky to have my boyfriend.  As I looked around the club on Saturday night and I saw all of the men who were dressed alike in their dark wash blue jeans, their tight fitting v-neck t-shirts, and their ever trendy fedora hats I thought to myself…I am very glad that I am not single.  If those are the men that single ladies have to choose from they may find themselves single for a very long time.  I could personally never date a man who wears more hair gel than me, whose jeans are tighter than mine, or who stares at himself in the bathroom mirror more times than I do.

4. I don’t depend on other people for my own happiness. When I was 21 years old I would have been very offended if I was at a club and throughout the night a guy didn’t offer to buy me a drink or give me his phone number. However, now as a 31 year old I am extremely annoyed when men approach me in a club.  I am actually offended that they think I am the kind of woman who exchanges a drink for sex. I now know that life is what we make it and only we (with the help of our good friends) can make our own happiness; my personal happiness doesn’t depend on a stranger, his phone number, or his drinks.

Love Always,

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May 28 2012
2 replies

Am I Just a Negative Person?

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Dear Diary,

Have you ever been asked a question and automatically gave a negative answer when you should have been focusing on the positive? This happened to me twice last week and it made me start to think…why am I so negative?

I know that no one likes a negative person, but sometimes it’s just easier to dwell on the negative aspects of our lives rather than focusing on the positive things (although I don’t really know why).

Someone recently asked me how things are going in my relationship and someone else asked me if the relationship with my father was starting to get better.  Whenever someone asks us if things are getting better, it means that we have been complaining about something in the past.

My answer to the first person was I absolutely love my boyfriend and we aren’t fighting anymore. The same problems still exist in our relationship, but now we just don’t talk about them. The major problem in our relationship is that I want more out of lives and he is completely happy with how things currently are. My boyfriend still doesn’t want to move to another city and I still do.  After reflecting on my answer I started to wonder, should I just have said that things are going really well between me and my boyfriend (because they are) or was I just trying to focus on the negative?

In regards to my father I will absolutely never forget what happened on that night last October when the Evil Step Witch (aka his girlfriend) violently attacked me, but I am no longer mad at my father.  After the recent passing of my boyfriend’s father I quickly realized that I am never again going to bring up the events of that night.  We can never change the events of the past, so there is really no point in dwelling on the negative. However, I need my father to understand that I don’t like his girlfriend as a person and I never will because she is very selfish and extremely controlling.

The step witch knows that I don’t like her but we should be able to co-exist in my father’s life.  I now know that if my father had to choose between the two of us he would choose her over me and I am not willing to live my life without my father.  I know that the relationship with my father will never be the same because we can’t change the past, but I do have the power to control how our relationship will be in the future. With the recent passing of my boyfriend’s father I know that I am fortunate to still have my father in my life because some people don’t even have a relationship with their father to complain about.

I know that making an effort to get along with my father’s girlfriend would make his life a lot easier, but according to my judgemental younger sister pretending to be nice to someone when you actually hate them is just being a hypocrite.  I think that pretending to be nice to the step witch means that I am trying to keep the peace in my family for my father’s mental and emotional sake, but my younger sister disagrees.  Do I have the right to dwell on this negative situation or am I just being a completely negative person?

Love Always,

Photo by Inti

May 21 2012
2 replies

Life Without a Dad

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Last week my boyfriend lost his father suddenly due to a tragic accident. He is now and with his mother and his sister trying to get through this tragic time as a family.  There are absolutely no words that anyone can say to console someone who has just lost a family member. I feel awful for my boyfriend and his family and I wish that there was something that I could do to help them through this, but unfortunately everyone has to grieve in their own way and at their own pace.  My best friend Kevin passed away almost four years ago and I still miss him every single day.

As soon as my boyfriend hung up from the phone call that has forever changed his life the first thing that he said to me was “You have to forgive your Dad.”  My relationship with my Dad has definitely changed over the last 18 months since his girlfriend violently attacked me. I honestly do miss the close and friendly relationship that we once had because our relationship has become very superficial. I don’t know if my relationship with my Dad will ever be the same as it was before the night that changed everything, especially since he still lives with the Psycho Step Witch (aka his girlfriend); but I do know that a superficial relationship is better than no relationship at all.

This is an extremely sad time for my boyfriend, his mother, his younger sister and their entire family.  I know from personal experience that time will make grieving a little bit easier, but the pain never fully goes away.  There are several different emotions that a person must go through while grieving the loss of a loved one such the initial shock, personal regret, a little bit of anger, and finally complete sorrow and sadness.  The only thing that I can do to help my boyfriend during this sad time is to try and make everything else in his life a little bit easier, that way he can deal with his emotions and grieve the loss of his Dad.  This is definitely a sad time for my boyfriend and his family, but unfortunately this is not going to get any easier any time soon. After the funeral is over and the body is laid to rest my boyfriend’s mother is still going to be without a husband and two children are forced to live their lives without their Dad.

The relationship between a Dad and their son or daughter is a special bond. I have several friends, co-workers, and even family members who have already lost their Dads, each and every day they wake up and every night they go to sleep without speaking to their Fathers.  I actually feel blessed and lucky that my Dad is still in my life. No matter how angry I am with my Dad for the way that he acted (and let the Step Witch act) last October I could never imagine my life without my Dad.

Love Always,

Photo by Alex Proimos

Apr 23 2012
7 replies

The Phone Call

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Friday night as I was watching TV my phone rang and I saw my father’s phone number on call display.  Actually I saw the evil step witches name and number on my call display because after several years of my father living in her house she still hasn’t changed anything to be joint, but that’s a whole different story.

I picked up the phone and to my surprise it was actually the step witch on the other end (aka my father’s girlfriend).  My father gave me a heads up that she may be calling me this week but I just never thought that she would.

Let me start off on a positive note by saying that by making this phone call I can tell that she is trying to make an effort to repair the damage she has caused within my family.  I am sure that it took a lot of effort for her to swallow her pride and pick up the phone to call me and apologize for her violent and radical behaviour that night in October 2010.

The step witch told me that it was totally out of her nature to act violently and that she definitely regrets her actions. She could not explain the situation any other way other than by saying that she snapped.  I thought that her statement was really funny because in the past but I have personally seen her throw food and break a dish when she was in an angry (and drunken) rage.

She also reassured me that she loves my father and would never do anything to hurt him. However (in my opinion) body checking a grown man three times and physically attacking his daughter are not really terms of endearment.

The step witch said that she decided to call me because she wants the stress to go away and she hopes that we can start a fresh relationship. She then continued on to tell me how hard this past year and a half has been on her.  At this point I had to hold myself back from laughing because somehow she can body check my father and push me but the situation has been hard on her. I am not sure which part of the past year and a half has been stressful for her because her life continued on as normal.  Her daughters can still come over and visit her whenever they want to and she gets all of the time in the world with my father, which is what she wanted.

For the past year and a half I have listened to my father tell me about how much the step witch has changed after attending personal therapy sessions to deal with her anger and emotions.  However this conversation just proved that she has not changed one little bit…she is still a selfish bitch.  If I could give the evil step witch a piece of advice it would be that she doesn’t need personal therapy to deal with her emotions, she needs rehabilitation to deal with her addiction to drinking alcohol.

The phone call from the step witch was much appreciated, but it has definitely not changed my opinion of her. I still think that she is a self centered bitch, but at least now that she has apologized for her violent behaviour I can move on with my life.

We can co-exist in the same world, but I can almost guarantee that our paths will never cross again. I will never be able to forget or forgive her and my father for the events of that October night; but at least now I have the peace to move on with my life.

At the end of the conversation we both agreed that in the future (if and) when we have a problem with each other we will talk it out amongst ourselves.  Hopefully she remembers this conversation (if she wasn’t drunk) and she will try and talk about her problems in the future instead of breaking out in a violent rage. I guess that only time will tell.

Love Always.

Photo by TraceMeek

Apr 3 2012
2 replies

I am So Over It.

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Dear Diary,

This is a rant. I am sorry to ruin your happy day, but I have a lot of angry emotions boiling up inside of me.  I can’t think of another way to release my tension other than ranting about it.

Do you ever have one of those days when it seems like nothing, absolutely nothing, is going right? Do you ever spend hours planning something and then it doesn’t go exactly as you wanted it to? Well I am having one of those days, weeks, and maybe even months. I am so over not being able to communicate with people, I am so over feeling sad, I am so over having regrets, and I am definitely so over being constrained.

I live in a province where the primary language is not my mother tongue. I have lived here for over 10 years and although I do consider myself to be bilingual my second language will never become my mother tongue.  I want to live somewhere where I can understand everything that everyone is saying all the time, I want to live somewhere where I don’t have to translate everything, and I don’t want to be somewhere where I am forced to speak a language that I absolutely do not want to.

I am so over fighting with my Dad.  I will never forgive him for the mistake he made a year and a half ago when his Girlfriend violently attacked me, and I will never forgive him for not trying to correct the situation and bring our family back together over the last 18 months. I don’t want to live a life where every conversation that I have with my Dad ends up in a fight, but unfortunately that is currently the life I am stuck in.

I miss my friend Kevin every day and I have so many regrets about our friendship.  Kevin was always there for me and he was the first real friend that I made when I moved to Montreal. I regret the wrong choices I have made, I regret not supporting him more during his illness, and I absolutely regret not calling him on the day that I was supposed to.  If I had not been so absorbed in my own little world I would have remembered to call Kevin when I was supposed to, and I would have had a chance to speak with him one last time before he passed away.  Living in a hospital must be lonely and I should have visited him more often than I did.  I let my own fears overcome Kevin’s need for companionship; and I regret that I was not a better friend to him.

There are so many things that I want to do and so many places that I want to go but I don’t do them or go there because I feel constricted by my life.  I always have to be the responsible person and this makes me feel like I am living in a bubble. I know that being responsible is a part of being an adult, but seriously I am so over paying bills, paying rent, and living in a routine.

I want to move to New York City but I am constrained by my financial obligations in Canada as well as the US immigration laws.  I want to finish writing my books, find an agent, and have the trilogy published because writing is my real passion; but I just don’t have enough free time to work on them.  I work a lot because I have financial and debt obligations.  Any free time that I do have is spent catching up on all of my missed sleep.

The more I write down all of the things that I want to achieve and the reasons why I am not working towards them I am wondering if we are only constrained by our own excuses?

Love Always.

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Dec 25 2011
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Merry Christmas Everyone!

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Another year has passed and it’s Christmas Time again.  This time last year I was not in the Christmas Spirit because of all the drama with my Dad and the Evil Step Witch.  Last year I basically slept through Christmas; but this year I am determined not to let them ruin my holiday season.

This year I am celebrating Christmas complete from A to Z.  I bought and wrapped Christmas Presents, I sent out Christmas Cards, and I am attempting to cook Christmas Dinner…I even bought and decorated a Christmas Tree.

So far my holidays have been great and I am definitely looking forward to loving life and learning to love myself n the New Year.  I would love to say that I plan to live a drama free life in 2012, but unfortunately that won’t be possible as long as my Dad is living with the Step Witch.

I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas, and I hope that you are all celebrating the holidays with a lot of cheer and a ton of love.  I have to admit that I am a little bit sad that I won’t be celebrating the holidays this year with my family, but I am happy have a drama free holiday season.  I guess that is what life is all about, growing up and starting our own traditions!

Happy Holidays Everyone! Good Luck to all of the Boxing Day Shoppers.

Here are some festive pics from my apartment:

My Christmas Tree…Pre Deco

Presents for my Boyfriend

Lovely!

Lovin the Stocking Stuffers

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Nov 9 2011
1 reply

Have You or Someone You Love Been Affected by Cancer?

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Marci

Good Morning Everyone.  As you may know from my previous Diary Entries I try to volunteer my time and help out Charities whenever I can.  My contributions are definitely small in the grand scheme of things but every little bit helps.

I am a member of Love Drop which is an organization that accumulates gifts, services, and financial contributions for a family in need each month.  To date Love Drop has helped 11 families and they have given over $66,000 in gifts and services.

The best part of being a member of Love Drop is that I know exactly where my money goes each month.  All donations are hand delivered to the families, that’s right they are hand delivered in person which is really cool!  The Love Drop Team posts a video each month of their surprise for each family.

This month Love Drop is helping Marci in Colorado.  She is a mother and a wife who is a two time breast cancer survivor.  Unfortunately Marci has been re-diagnosed and she is now battling a Stage IV cancer that has spread into her lungs and lymph nodes. This story really touches me because Marci has spent the better part of the last decade fundraising for cancer research.  Although I have been fortunate enough to not be diagnosed with Cancer I have met many Cancer Survivors and their stories are always touching.  Marci also spends time with people whose lives have been affected by Cancer.

If you know someone who has been affected by Cancer or if you have been affected (in some way) by Cancer yourself then please find it in yourself to join Love Drop and help out Marci and her family.  The most important thing in Marci’s life is quality time with her family, and Love Drop wants to give them an all-expense-paid vacation before she begins her latest battle with Cancer. Even though she is stressed out and worried about her difficult journey ahead all that Marci wants to do is make sure that her family is able to relax and forget about the stress of her Cancer.  Marci wants her family to enjoy their life, and Love Drop wants to help.

Here are some ways that you can help Marci and her family:

Travel - Let’s get creative – airline miles, timeshares, destination packages, money – whatever we can do! I know that we can figure out a way to help Marci and her family so let’s do whatever we can to get them on a family vacation.

Give a Dollar – Monetary Donations go towards all expenses for the family vacation.  Love Drop wants to accumulate enough money to also give Marci and her family some spending money on their family vacation.

Give a Gift or Service – If you or your business can offer a personalized service for Marci and her family, then please contact Love Drop.  Gift Cards that Marci and her family can use on their vacation would be very helpful.  Gift Cards for large restaurant chains would be much appreciated.

Share This Post With Others – If you have a Blog or a Website or if you are on Facebook, Twitter, or Linked In then Love Drop encourages you to share this post with your Fans, Friends, and Readers. The more people to know and learn about Love Drop the more money they can raise for Marci and her family.

Listen to Marci’s Story in her Love Drop video: