Waking Up From a Bad Dream

Me with my younger sister Tara Marie

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night in a panicked sweat. I had a very bad dream about my younger sister Tara Marie and afterwards I couldn’t fall back asleep.  My sister Tara Marie and I haven’t been close since my family’s breakup almost two years ago. Actually that is not even true, Tara Marie and I have never really been very close, but over the last two years we have definitely drifted even further apart.

There are probably a number of reasons why my sister Tara Marie and I are not close which include my jealously towards her, the fact that I was a really awful older sister when we were growing up (I’m actually still not a great older sister) as well as the fact that we lived in separate households when my parents got divorced.  However just because we aren’t close doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her, it also doesn’t mean that I want anything bad to happen to her; it just means that sometimes it’s easier for two people to be apart than it is for them to be together.

When I woke up from my bad dream I immediately wanted to call my sister and then I realized that I don’t even have her phone number. I am sure that this is not normal, but unfortunately this is just how it is. Since I don’t have Tara Marie’s phone number I decided to write her an email to check in with her, make sure that everything was ok, and be assured that my bad dream was really just a dream.

I wanted to send Tara Marie an email and write all of the things that I cannot say, I wanted to tell my sister that I miss her every single day, I wanted to tell her that I wish we had a different childhood, I also wanted to tell her that I wish that we had a different relationship now that we are both adults, but I didn’t.  Too much time has gone by and so many things have not been said over the years that I am not even sure if our relationship can be repaired.

I don’t want to live with regrets, but how can I fix a relationship with my sister that has practically taken a lifetime to ruin?

Love Always,

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6 thoughts on “Waking Up From a Bad Dream

  1. I feel like this with my family a lot of times. I’m the eldest of 5 siblings and I don’t feel I was the best older sister either. After my mom passed away when I was 15, my dad remarried and I moved out 3 years later. So I haven’t always had the closest relationship with my step-mom or my younger brothers.

    Now we all live in different cities, with our lives, families and children. It’s hard to take the time to tell each other how much we love and appreciate them. I wish it wasn’t like this but that’s reality. Sadly, life gets in the way of family relationships.

    • I know, it’s terrifying how real dreams can seem some times. The eldest of 5, oh wow. I thought that just 1 sister was a lot of drama. Sometimes we have an idea of how a typical family should be, but unfortunately life isn’t always typical. I wish my relationship with my sister was different, but it just isn’t and I just have to live with it.
      Thanks for reading Carrie.

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